Darwin Wednesdays

Inspired by Erica's CHoS (Correspondence Hall of Shame) posts, you can read her most recent one here, I've decided to try making a weekly post of some of the more interesting or disturbing messages I've gotten.

I'll begin with the basics - those minor details that send an otherwise acceptable message into my "not worth responding to" pile. I will admit that my spelling is terrible and my grammar isn't always perfect. But when you're sending that first message to someone, I think it pays to make the effort. You can take a break from established English rules after you've developed a relationship.

Well you do have a nice ass to spank so what do u enjoy getting spanked with and how long do you enjoy each session to go how red you like

This is a classic example - one run-on sentence (there wasn't actually any punctuation so I suppose it is a run-on phrase) and random use of the letter "u" (that's not a word, even if spell-check doesn't catch it, but what makes it particularly strange is how he also uses the word "you"). On a content note, what is up with the phrase "well you do have a nice ass to spank"? Are you telling me that my only redeeming factor is a great backside or attempting to compliment me? And the rest...really? There is nothing there worth responding to!

This one message was sent with the title "can" - this is important because otherwise the message makes NO sense at all:

i spank you pleeeeze

There are three lessons here: (1) the lowercase letter "i" is not a word either, (2) the title of your message should not be an integral part of the communication, instead, it should give the recipient an idea of what your message is about; and (3) the answer is no, thank you for asking.

This one is a bit better, but it still did not inspire an answer:

I read your entire profile... I'd love to chat. 

Let me get this straight - you've read my ENTIRE profile, and the only thing you have to say is that you would like to chat? There was nothing in my carefully drafted description that inspired your comment or question? Nothing you would like to tell me about yourself?

Next week, I'll cover an exchange that began alright, but soon turned creepy.